Album Review: Nickelback - Dark Horse

There are several things that need to be explained to Mr. Chad Kroeger. So I will start by listing these things and relating them to his missteps that are present in Nickelback's latest album, Dark Horse:

1. Rock songs should not have lyrics that resemble rap/R & B songs. Trace Adkins broke this rule with "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk", and Chad Kroeger breaks it with nearly every song on the album. From the slightly subtle "I'd Come For You" to the more explicit "Something in Your Mouth" to the subtle-as-a-penis-stamp-to-the-forehead "S.E.X.", Nickelback beats into our heads that they like talking about sex. A lot. In overwhelming detail. I understand that the song "Figured You Out" from their Long Road surprised a lot of people with its opening line "I like your pants around your knees," but continuing this trend merely makes listeners uncomfortable, especially when Chad Kroeger sings these lyrical gems presumably straight-faced and with no sense of irony: "I wanna cover you with jello in the tub/we can roll around for hours without ever comin up/I want you naked with your favorite heels on/
Rub John Deere across my ass and ride me up and down the lawn." Classy.

2. Mutt Lange can not save an album on name value alone. When I heard that the legendary producer was going to be working on Nickelback's sixth studio album, I was ecstatic. The guy who brought life to Def Leppard, Foreigner, and most importantly AC/DC would surely take Nickelback away from the contemporary direction they were nosediving towards. However, it seems that the only thing Lange contributed to the CD were guitar solos that, much like AC/DC, sound almost exactly alike every time. The music is certainly more grainy than the album before it, but only on select songs: the singles are as poppy and lifeless as ever.

3. Going from singing about hot and sweaty sex to talking about how much you genuinely love a person (and vice versa) is the worst segue possible. Even if I am to believe that "I'd Come For You" is not a veiled sexual reference, we have a song that celebrates true love and we follow it up with "Next Go Round", which makes the Kama Sutra look like Green Eggs and Ham. (It's where those wonderful aforementioned jello/John Deere lyrics came from.) Similarly, "S.E.X." melts so very smoothly into the introspective "If Today Was Your Last Day", which is a positive ode to carpeing the diem. It's common to mix your album with songs that portray a different mood, but this is the musical equivalent of reading a love poem to your girlfriend before burning her house down. It just doesn't make sense.

Perhaps I'm being too harsh. It's most likely because I was a very big Nickelback fan during their second through fourth albums. Silver Side Up is still one of my favorite albums to listen to sometimes. But Nickelback has conquered the rock world in that time, and as they climbed higher and higher up the charts, the lack of oxygen way up there must have affected Kroeger's brain to make him write things like "Well she ain't no Cinderella/
When she's getting undressed/'Cause she rocks it like the naughty wicked witch of the west."

Point is, Nickelback has continued with some of the things I enjoyed about them several years ago, but left most of the other parts largely behind. For example, while the pulsing riffs are still around (and even accentuated thanks to Lange), the heartfelt songs that seemed to comprise half of the previous albums only show up in small doses here. "Just To Get High" warmly reminds me of "Never Again" or "Cowboy Hat" from prior albums, and "Never Gonna Be Alone" is a genuinely good love song, one that proves that Nickelback is still capable of making such a thing. But they are surrounded by songs that talk about shaking asses and going "balls out," and the result is an album that was clearly made for young people to laugh at all the immature lyrics. Oh, and to sell albums too. But I'd argue they would do that anyway.

The lyrics are uninspired. The momentum is completely sapped from the CD from the second verse of the first song. The flashes of that old Nickelback brilliance are much too few and far between, and the stories don't evoke any emotion anymore. It actually hurts to say this, but this album truly, unequivocally, undeniably is NOT a good album. If you liked All The Right Reasons, you'll probably be happy. But you can't be happy for the band. Because it looks like the nosedive isn't stopping.

Scoring:

Replayability: (11/20) I won't listen to this very often, if at all. Maybe to hear "Just To Get High" or "Never Gonna Be Alone". Or to laugh at the lyrics from "Shakin' Hands". There's just not much to get you coming back. No, Chad, I Won't Come For You.

Music: (17/20) The riffs are still there, and I really enjoy the solos on most of the songs. Besides the slower songs on the album, the band's true talent is on display here.

Lyrics: (10/20) The attempts to be clever fail. The open referral to sex and juvenile phrases just make the band sound like a bunch of kids joking under the bleachers at the football game.

Completeness: (12/20) There are two good songs in the middle wrapped up by a bunch of crappy and mediocre songs. I actually skipped through half of the album after a few listens, and that never results in a good score.

Emotional Pull: (10/20) The ballads sometimes make me feel something, but they're too generic to really strike a chord. Gone are the days of "Should've Listened," a Nickelback ballad that truly drew feelings.

Total Score: 60

Grade: D-

Almost a failing grade, but the listenable music saves them. A lot of people will probably disagree with this grade, but I feel like when you're on top of the music mountain as Nickelback has been for a few years, it requires a monster effort to show that you still have it. Judging from this album, however, it looks like they don't.

Check/Check Plus/X:

Something in Your Mouth X
Burn it to the Ground √
Gotta Be Somebody √
I’d Come For You X
Next Go Round X
Just To Get High √+
Never Gonna Be Alone √+
Shakin’ Hands √
S.E.X. X
If Today Was Your Last Day √
This Afternoon √

Speaking of Mutt Lange, I recently finished listening to AC/DC's first album in years. The review should be up by the end of the week.

Sit tight til the next grade,
RRC